when my heart was broken into pieces.

I love traveling. 
i have traveled to Europe twice. 
And im always inlove with Europe so i keep on coming back. Last month, i went for backpacking alone in Hungary-Czech-Poland-Slovakia and Austria. The trip was awesome and it was the best backpacking i have ever had in my life. Before that,i was talking to this Romanian guy who i met from the dating app happened to be situated in Budapest Hungary for work. 

We were always video-calling everyday for 1 month til i flew to Hungary. It was never my plan to fall inlove during my travel besides, i booked my flight 8 months before my travel and i chatted with this guy 1 month before i flew. It was never meant to be a love story. 

Come October i landed to Budapest on the 1st of October. I have stayed in a hostel, this guy i was talking to who i suppose to meet on the 10th of October  -  thats 2 days before i flew back to Malaysia. But along the way that we decided to meet on the first day. I was hesitant because it was not part of my itinerary but my friend whom i was texting to on that night from Australia forced me to meet this guy or else i will regret for the rest of my life. So even though Im hesitant, i was like "why not then ill go for it". 

Europe is Autumn nowadays, so its cold. That moment, I got out from the apartment he was there standing waiting for me, i hugged him immediately. I felt different unexplainable, happy, fulfilled.. the warmth of his hug made me safe wrapping me with his  warmth arms tightly. I felt him. 

That moment, i knew i never want let go. Next day, on the 2nd of October - i didnt expect that we are going to meet again. I texted him, that i wanted to see him again and he felt the same.  Id really appreciate that he drove 45 mins from his place to Budapest just to see me for 4 hrs at 2 AM in the early morning when he was even tired at work as he is a Civil Engineer hes always on site.  

The second meetup was amazing, we drove around Budapest at night walking at the Budapest Parliamento - it was perfect. He was even sick that time and i felt again that i want him and i wanted to see him again. But unfortunately, i need to continue my journey, im backpacking for 5 countries for 2 weeks and my next destination would be Slovakia-Austria-Poland-Czech. 

I traveled by bus as they just close to each other. I was traveling alone all the way from Slovakia to Poland- except when i have to join with travel mates i met at the hostels. 
All throughout the travel this romanian guy named Josh(not his real name) never stopped talking to me, as usual i tell him where i was so he never gets worried. 
We were happy talking to each other everyday, he jokes around or tease me thats what he does. 

A day before i flew to Prague, he texted he said " i have crazy idea,i wanna go to Prague to see you" so i replied "are you serious? youre kidding right" so at that moment, i couldnt believe he wanted to join me with my journey and wanted to see me. So i waited for him to come to Prague, it was amazing plus Prague is amazing, I was very happy being with him I have never felt this happy for a longest time. Being with him i felt safe, calm, light like everything comes so easy. He was kind. He was patient, gentleman, he took care of me.
We've been walking alot because were were checking lookout tower, overlooking views so when I get tired he carries me, massage my cramped legs, he stops me for a while asks if Im hungry or thirsty. I was being treated like baby, a princess like how he calls me "crazy princess". 
Im small and hes very tall so its just easy for him to just carry me. This whole thing was nothing but fun and romantic for me, i couldnt ask for more. He is 26 and Im 35 but i always feel hes the mature one and hes more the controlling one than me which i didnt mind. I didnt mind because i wanted to be controlled by him.
We headed back to Budapest via bus all the while when were traveling for 7 hrs i was still all over him because he loved to be hugged and kissed and as european guy he doesnt care if he kisses me on public or something. All things that happened in Europe came to change when i headed back to Malaysia. 

I started missing him and i always tell him what i feel but he said he cannot say those words because he is having hardtime to express his feelings which at first i didnt understand because i wanna feel like he is still with me even we are apart. 
As days come by, Him, being inexpressive is starting to got me affected and complain why cant he even say "i miss you". But i guess hes just like that. He say things by jokes just to mess-up with me or tease me. I guess i just really miss him,  we still videocall everyday with no skips,until i fell asleep as the timezone is 6 hrs apart. 

i can feel he likes me too Im just demanding to much for him to express his feelings .And that demand became a complaint that lead to everyday fight. I feel like im always picking a fight with him even though it wasnt really intentional. 
At times , he wanted to change the topic to get rid of the subject but as a girl being emotional i trigger him again. But i always say sorry after. He said "dont make me say things i couldnt say because i will never" I dont know what that means. All i know is i have fallen for him so much and got attached with him. Last week we had a huge fight about me picking a fight on him again, he got stressed out, he brokeup me. I know he still cares for me but i dont understand why he just easily let go like that. I have been blaming my self for 5 days crying non stop. I was losing my self, i kept praying that someday he will change his mind but what he said is FINAL and he will never change his mind. He said "im breaking up with you because its better for you, Im not good for you. I will always make you cry everyday and it pains me when i seeing you cry".  

I know from my heart he still care because i felt it when we were together but should i fight for him? Because 90% of me saying i should.. 10% of me saying i have to stop that if he truly care or loves me he would have given me a chance. Its been 5 days and Im getting crazy. I cannot eat, sleep, cannot focus to myself and work, i cannot do things because i have been thinking of him everyday and everysecond.  I know this is just a challenge because we are apart so i wanted to go to Europe again and i dont care if i will broke or lose all my money after. I just wanted to talk to him in person. Do you guys, think this is a good idea? please help me



Broken Girl




Responses:

Shelbyville wrote: Ivy, It sounds like you have fallen hard for this guy and had some amazing memories in Europe with him. It's really really difficult when someone you love chooses to break up with you. I have the same experience myself not long ago. It's torture in many ways, wanting to see them, speak to them, hold them. However, he has made his decision. Yes, he may care for you, but not enough to get over his difficulties in expressing himself. It's impossible to see it right now, but maybe he did do the right thing for you. If he's not able to sustain a long distance relationship, then it would cause more heartbreak down the line. If you return to see him, you may be able to get things back on track....but until when? When you leave again will the same issues not arise again? However, despite all the advice that you can get from people, you have to do what's right for you. Believe me, Im missing my ex like crazy these days, so I know how difficult it is. But I just try and tell myself, that my ex has made his decision, I can't control that and I have to accept it. I hope you feel okay soon whatever you plan to do and enjoy your travels. 



Ben wrote: It sounds like it was intense. The problem with these intense travel ones is that they have to end in one sense, physically and "in reality", but in others they continue. You still feel really intensely about him because you fell for him. For him maybe it was the same maybe it was different. Its where he lives after all, so its not so amazing as being part of a travel experience. When you got back this whole part of your life was packaged up and left as memory. For him, he was living his life and happened to meet you a little, so to him, you are not as distant. That is probably why he was not so expressive or feeling so in need of you. For you, you had this amazing trip, but its over now. You also met him and fear that he will disappear and fade as the memory of the trip does. That doesn't have to happen. But, calm yourself as best you can. Let things settle a little bit. Im reading it and seeing that he probably got a little overwhelmed with the intensity of your feelings. Give him space. If he truly likes you, he'll let you talk to him again. But dont do it now. Breathe, relax, talk to friends, do whatever you can to rebalance yourself. You got carried away is all. You want him alot but you had to come home, and thought maybe if he talked more you'd feel better. But I think you like him a lot so that no matter how much he talked with you or whatever he told you, you would still be wanting more from him. He could probably sense this and had to back off. If he ignores you after a few days/however long you take as a breather, then it wasnt meant to be. But, relax. You had an intense, but very short, experience and its time to process. You are the one crying and that is why he thinks its better to not talk because he thinks hes making you upset. Thats a legitimate reason! So, dont be upset! Easier said than done but its the real solution. Its not because youre a girl either, its because you had a big emotional experience with him. Use this space to calm yourself, relax. Try to focus back on your life. When you feel a bit better, talk to him again, that is what will help you feel better. If he really really does care you'll be able to reconnect. If you are 90% wanting to fight for him again, dont hurt yourself by not doing it. Sometimes these travel romances go places, sometimes not, remember that. It might help you feel less intensely. 


anita wrote: Dear Ivy: I think it will be a mistake if you travel to Europe when you are broke for the purpose of talking to him in person, trying to change his mind. The magic of getting together with him, a lot of it was  the magic of your travel in Europe, and  him carrying you there when you were tired, and taking care of you in those special circumstances. The relationship did  not survive the after-trip circumstances. I don't think you can re-create the  magic that  was. I think this magic was about the travel and  it did not survive the after-travel. I hope you recover from the emotional attachment   you formed and are able perhaps to enter a relationship where  you live, in Malaysia?